


Tape The Receipt To The Back And Return It

by dipshitHarlequin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, For reasons, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Self-Hatred, also he's very very angsty, davesprite isn't sure if he's a real dave or not, don't let the ship list throw you off, he bounces his opinions of himself around a lot, it's john/davesprite all the way, it's kind of overdone, shit happens, they start with loathing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dipshitHarlequin/pseuds/dipshitHarlequin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You liked what you had, until it broke.<br/>They say if you take it back, the factory will send you a brand new one for free.<br/>And it'll be even better than the first one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tape The Receipt To The Back And Return It

John isn't right around you. You aren't exactly peachy around him either. You don't tell him why you're the way you are, and he's just as secretive. You have a silent agreement to leave each other to your own devices.

You hate it.

You don't hate John, oh no, quite the contrary. You're absolutely head over heels for him.

But this boy, well he isn't your John.

He is your John in the same sense that you're his Dave. He's not real to you. He isn't the John that you love, but he's the spitting image of him. Sometimes you feel like the universe is mocking you, keeping your gut twisting when you see Alpha John smile the same smile that used to tell you how much it loved you. But your John is dead, remember? You knew it would happen and it did. You loved him too much, and then he was gone.

Now all you have is this mirror image.

He looks like John, he speaks like John, he smells like John, but he doesn't feel like John. He doesn't love you like John.

You despise him for that.

Yes, you're selfish, and yes, you have no earthly right to be angry with him in the slightest, but it doesn't stop you. You groan and complain to your- no, Dave's nakkodiles, and sometimes they give you advice. They're usually good at it, too.

"SHUT YOUR FACEHOLE."

"NAK NAK I FORGOT TO GIVE A DAMN."

"DAMN KID."

"SUCKS FOR YOU. "

Yeah, they're good friends. Really they're horrible, but compared to everyone else here, they're the best. You can't talk to anyone around here.

Jaspersprite tries to eat you. Nannasprite has the gift of gab tenfold, and her "prankster's gambit" would probably get a kick out of running her mouth to the boy in question. Casey and her salamander kin get their spit in your feathers. You tried to be sweet to Jade. When she told you she loved you, you tried to love her too. But she wasn't John, she never would be, and in a fit of immaturity, you spat off at her. You told her she wasn't good enough. She won't speak to you. And then, well there's John.

So you talk to the nakkodiles. They're not very pleasant, so you can only take so much of them, but they're your only contact.

You usually just curl up in your nest, a lovely pile of stolen laundry (mostly John's) , and sleep away the reality of everything. You're thankful at least that Alpha John smells like your John, because with the smell of him and a lot of imagination, you can sometimes trick yourself to think he's still there with you, like the good old days.

He's right up against you with his face in your chest and his hands tangled in yours.

_No matter how hard you try to bring him back, he's dead, Dave. He's gone._

_I know._

You know. But God, do you miss him.

You miss him the most in times like these.

Not that you've been counting or anything, but you've been on this ship for 427 days and thirteen hours.

At twelve days, John tried to follow you to your nest, which had just been completed. It was the first time you told him you hated him.

By the dawn of day thirteen, it was well established that no one was to ever bother you when you were up there. When orange ruffles on top at the ship's highest flat ground, everyone is to act as if Davesprite does not exist.

They have abided that law religiously.

So here, on hour thirteen of day 427, you watch John and Nanna hop around the main deck and chunk cakes at each other.

His laughter carries, and you hate it. You hate how it is exactly identical to your John's. You close your eyes and bury your face in a sweatshirt. It would, of course, be John's. You drop it, and return to staring at them.

Jade says if you overwork yourself, your wounds will tear open again, and you know that after what you did, she probably won't stitch them up anymore.

Fuck that piece of shit seppucrow.

You immediately take it back. As much as it hurts you that being part bird has changed literally everyone's view of you and ultimately your view of yourself, somehow the bird side of you can make you feel better when you need it most.

John's laughter pangs in your ears, and you could really use a break right now.

The feathery prick deep inside seems to have taken note.

No one likes your incessant caws, and so you try to get them out of your field of view by crowing at them as loud as you can.

Yeah, you just felt a stitch pop.

No, you do not stop crowing.

"Dave sprite," _He puts so much fucking emphasis on the 'sprite', fuck him._ "Can you keep it down? We're at war down here!"

"Not me, it's the other guy!"  
 _Smooth. Blame it on "the other guy", Banner._

"Can you ask him to tone it down just a bit?"

"Nope!"

You can see him slump his shoulders from your perch, and your tail twitches with pride.

"I guess war's over then. Thanks anyways, Dave sprite."

He and Nanna drag back to the lower levels of the ship.

You keep cawing.

=========================

Day 436, hour one. John and Jade both should be asleep.

Neither of them are.

Instead they lay out on the main deck, talking about everything and nothing.  
You hid from them when they looked up to see if you were watching. You tune them out mostly, pinning flat and watching their body language.

Jade is sprawled out messily on the ground. She's most comfortable splayed out, she told you once.

John sits at about the level of her waist, facing her, knees bent sideways and backwards. Your John always told you he was comfortable like that, even if it was bad for his knees.

So they're comfortable. It's probably noth-

You just heard your name.

It is then that you start to listen.

"...and how many trolls did he say were there? Karkat, Kanaya, Tere..."

You tune him back out.

Alpha Dave bullshit...

Maybe you should pay attention, just in case.

"He says they're generally nicer in person...Do you think he likes them more than us?"

"John, he spends a lot of time with them. I'm sure they're all really close! Like we are with the sprites! But you and I are special to him. He's not going to ditch us off."

"You say that, but...I don't know. And I wouldn't say all the sprites."

"So we have a team sourpuss." _Talking shit behind my back, huh?_ "But Davesprite...he's got problems we'll never be able to understand. We just have to let him be. Maybe one day he'll change."

"He hates us."

"He does not."

"He told me so. He says it all the time."

A sharp twinge of pain rolls through your gut. Not because you're mad at them per say, but because he's only speaking the truth.

The very few times you get desperate enough to attempt conversation with any of them which, to be frank, hasn't happened since you left Jade in year one, you are quick to give up. You tell them that you didn't like them anyways and storm off.  
Speaking of leaving, it looks like John's getting up.

"...But I know the real Dave doesn't hate us, right?"

_I used to be a Real Dave too, fuckbrain._

"Never."

His voice drops, and he suddenly seems pretty sad. You almost start to worry, but his stupid pajamas pull you out of it.

_He's Alpha John, he doesn't want my fucking help. And I don't want to give it to him._

"I'm gonna play it. Maybe sleep for a while."

"Not too loud, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

_'It'? What the fuck is 'it'? Some piano shit maybe? Him and Jade obviously know good and well what it is, what is it? Why should I care anyways?_

And with that you dig your head under the sweatshirt you dropped earlier and try fall asleep.

_Just you and John. No crows, no Alpha Timeline, no dying. He's okay, he's fine, he's right here. His smile burns holes in your heart and his touch makes your skin sizzle and you love him. You whisper it to him. He whispers it back and nuzzles into the crook of your neck. His warm breath is soft and quiet within minutes, and within a few more, so are yours._

========================  
Day 436, hour eleven.

You are already antsy and decide to confront Jade about "it". 

You slip onto the dock as Jade comes out, not much of an early riser, and runs a hand through her messy bangs, sweeping them away from half-lidded eyes.

You're not sure when or why Jade started making a point to sit on the golden port every morning, even if she was too tired to even walk straight, but it was something that she did and you used it to your advantage.

Your feathers jutted off the bend of your wings, so much for not acting nervous.

But this time, no matter what she said, you wouldn't back down. Partly for the satisfaction of holding your first real conversation in a good while, but because in only ten hours your curiosity already had you plucking at your chest fluff.

You work against the current of your mind and try to play nice.

"Good morning, sunshi-" _Bad move, bad move._ "-Jade."

"Yeah, hi, Davesprite."

She's irritated already, and you can almost swear you physically see her thinking up possible insults.

For once, you aren't looking for a fight. You try to make it apparent in your tone of voice, holding steadier than usual.

"You don't mind me asking a question, do you?"

"Make it quick, please. Nothing stupid."

She's still on edge and not happy too see you by any means, but your kissass tone keeps her from spouting off too quick.

"Right. Um, I may have accidentally overheard a very small bit of conversation when I was trying to sleep and...John said something about playing something and it seemed important and also he didn't have to clarify what it was and I was maybe wondering if I could get in on the information?"

"Since when do you care?"

"Since..." _Since he sounded like my John when he was sad and I hate that noise even if it comes from his dumb mouth._ "I was just curious."

She scowls at you and hesitates, but divulges just enough to satisfy you for the time being.

"He listens to a certain song when he feels bad. Don't talk to him about it, he doesn't like it to be brought up."

"Like a comfort item or something?"

"Again, I'd like to ask why it matters to you?"

"It doesn't. Thanks though. "

Before she can get another word in, you're already slithering back to your nest and once you get there, you do something you've never done.

You interacted with her from there.

Not out of anger or to be disrupted, but because you forgot to say goodbye.

You waved at her much like you would to a child, curling and uncurling your sharp, taloned fingers.

She, looking a little shocked and a lot confused, cocked a brow and waved back in the same manner.

You were beaming, you successfully held a whole minute of conversation. You turned your back to her and stretched your arms high above your head, and then stretched your wings out as far as they would go.

A nap was in order.

So, with relaxed muscles and fucked up sense of pride, you curled up to the very sweatshirt you'd made a pillow of last night and fell asleep.

=======================  
Day 481, hour twenty two.

You expected a lot of things.

You didn't expect that you would decide you wanted to be friendly again on Day 439.

You didn't expect that you'd start initiating short conversations.

You didn't expect that John and Jade would try to respond with civil courtesy, if not much else.

And the biggest plot twist of all, you didn't expect that being a little more comfortable awake would make your nightmares increase tenfold.

But all of those things are happening.

You tried not sleeping, because as a sprite things like sleep were more of a luxury than a necessity.

Your mind, an enemy to itself, started to cause lucid dreams instead.

Right this moment, your nest has managed to turn itself into the mossy floor of LOWAS. You're not Davesprite anymore, just Doomed Dave. You're aware of the falseness of the situation, but it doesn't faze the strength of the hallucination.

John, your John, is laying down by you, his head resting on your leg.

God damn do you miss having regular legs.

You don't mind that part of the "dream" at all, tucking them in tighter. You've almost forgot how it even feels to sit indian-style, and you make a note to remember it.

You notice John is talking something warbled, sounding like he's trying to talk from underwater.

You hum and nod, even if you're not sure what he's saying. You're more watching him speak than listening anyways, as you often did, much to his disapproval.

The soft teal glow of the bioluminescent moss native to this planet highlights his bright eyes, and the fireflies glitting around the two of you reflect off his silky brown hair.

He was absolutely stunning, and you...well you're just another Dave.

But he loves you, so you must be doing something right.

Under you, the ground starts to pulse. It's not like heartbeat, it's not the world coming alive, it's...

It's so familiar, and yet so foreign.

You know this, you know this, what is it?

And it hits you.

It's the bass to a mix you made once. You remember now, every bit.

Trying to make it perfect because you were making it for John. Getting frustrated when you couldn't. Almost giving up entirely when you thought it wasn't good enough. Switching knobs and turning dials until it was flawless. Presenting him with the disc you burnt it to. Seeing his face as he listened to it for the first time. Yeah, there's no denying it, that was the bass to your magnum opus, and it was rumbling from the pit of LOWAS.

Except...LOWAS was fading fast.

You were coming out of your little "dream"...Why wasn't the thumping going away, too?

_The thumping is real, spitfuck._

But how? That was a Strider original, just for-

_John._

_Of fucking course that would be a fucking constant, STUPID!_

You hiss violently at yourself, an unfortunately common occurance, for about three minutes.

That fucking bass is rocking the whole fucking ship.

That's an exaggeration.

Even still, you're conflicted.

In the end, you decide that if you want to keep up your pointlessly driven "be nicer to the alpha kids than they deserve at this point" game, you should go check on him.

And you somehow manage not to piss yourself and run and hide instead.

You sneak into his room, wrenching the door open quietly. Not that any sneaking was necessary. You could be killing a man in his doorway and he wouldn't hear you over the music. You're still proud of the song, even if you technically didn't make this one. As soon as John registers to you, the pride is replaced with an inner panic as you're again fooled by his appearance.

Fooled into thinking you love him, that is.

This John, well only as of recently have you been forcing yourself to tolerate him. Whether it was how much you missed human contact in general or if your subconscious decided to make obvious that hating the alpha kids for being alive was stupid, you didn't know.

But no one should ever have to feel like this.

He's laying on his side, curled up around his CD player, and it's not the look that throws you off. He looks almost okay. It's how he feels.

One of those constants that just kind of happen, you can tell how Johns feel. Right now, he's rolling in defeat.

You tap him lightly on the shoulder, and he twists backwards to look at you. He turns his music down before lifting himself to a sitting position.

"Hey Dave sprite. You need something?"

"Just answers. What are you doing all mopey and trying to fuck up everyone's eardrums?"

"Was it that loud? I didn't mean to disturb anyone, sorry."

"That's not why I'm here." _Why do you care, you don't care, what are you doing? Yes you do, shut up. You're trying to be his friend now, focus._ "I'm here about all that moping. What's your deal?"

"I...I just was thinking."

"About?"

"Stuff. And things."

"Real helpful, thanks."

"You're no peach yourself."

"Look, if you don't want my help I can just fuck off. I'm trying to be nice here."

"I'm fine, really. I just...This song calms me down."

_That's the it, this is the fucking it, what the fuck? Why this? Like yeah it sounds fucking great and everything but it's not much of a comfort tune, what happened to Brahms and the like?_

"How so?"

"Uh, Dave made it for me."

"As much as no one in this fucking timeline understands, I'm Dave too...I used to be...I don't know anymore. But anyways, I know Alpha Dave made that for you. I mixed the same one for my John. Even if maybe it was...for a different reason."

"What reason?"

"Doesn't matter. He's dead."

You popped that out quick and with a little too much venom. Maybe he won't notice?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories or anything..."

He noticed. Play it off, play it off.

"Apologizing ain't gonna bring him back. Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure it sucks, I mean he was like your best friend right?"

"And then some."

Your feathers stand on end when you realized what you said.

"And then some?"

"Nothing. Doesn't matter. Look, just, why are you moping around with that on full blast?"

"I told you, it makes me feel better."

"Why? It's not exactly a lullaby."

"It is to me. It's important to me. Dave made it for me and I lo- He's my best friend."

"That's not what you started to say."

"Fuck yourself, it totally was."

"Oh please."

"Look, I don't trust you and your stupid mouth. "

"You know I'm as good of a secret keeper as Real Dave."

You're taunting him like you know he can't stand. He's a good kid, but there's one little crack in his brain that pisses him off to no end, and you know just how to pick at it.

"Look, so maybe I have like a thing for him alright? Will you get your fucking manipulative ass out and leave me alone? "

You start to laugh. It's a replacement for all the nervousness and angry tension in the room, and John looks as if he is literally about to kill you.

"Get. Out!"

"Relax, John."

"Relax? No, fuck you! You just fuck around and fuck with people's heads and you're just a huge fucking asshole, I don't know how you can even be any form a Dave! Get out and stay out!"

"John, seriously, calm your tits, okay? I'm not laughing at you."

"Yes, you are! And there's nothing funny about it, so get out!"

"If I leave how could I tell you about how Doomed John totally scored?"

"What?"

"Me and my John were a thing too, alright? And I've got an idea."

"The answer is no."

"You didn't even listen to the idea."

"Fine, I'll listen. But it's still gonna be a no."

"We'll see. So my John's dead and your Dave is hurtling through space a million lightyears away or some shit. Maybe we could just...just pretend. Nothing dirty, but...just hugs and stuff. The little things or some cliche movie bullfuck."

You stopped thinking clearly a long time ago. You're digging a blind grave now.

"You want to use me as like a cuddlepillow? And act like I'm someone else?"

"You're the same person."

"Not really."

"Yes really. And I'm the same as him."

"You're a bird."

"I'm a Dave."

"...No strings?"

"No strings."

"...Deal."

You hold out an orange, taloned hand, in which he promptly locks his own.

As you shake, a heavy feeling of dread overcomes you.

_What have I done?_

**Author's Note:**

> HARHARHAR WELL THAT WAS OUT OF CHARACTER.  
> this was all written at some godawful hour of the night after about 3 tons too much caffeine.
> 
> "why are you posting it"
> 
> ii don't have an earthly clue
> 
> "why are you continuing it"
> 
> to write davesprite body and chemistry headcanons
> 
> that's literally it
> 
> this fic is horrible please do not base your opinion of me as a writer around this
> 
> iidk maybe someone will like it?


End file.
